victim and getting the hook up?

I found out some pretty bad news on friday afternoon. My mom was having numbness in her face. She had some scans done to identify where the problem was. The results showed that she has a tumor on her c1 vertebrae. This is the first vertebrae in your head/neck. If this vertebrae collapses like the last one did, then she will suffocate. There's no getting around that. The doctor's have taken her off of chemo and put her on radiation. The oncologist is trying to pin point the tumor and kill it or reduce it's size so that the tumor won't kill her. I take this information pretty hard. It makes my life very confusing. I don't really know how to go about life after this news. I say all of these things b/c this is real life. I don't live in fantasy land. I don't live in an altered state. I live in real life. The only place where there is no pain and suffering is HEAVEN. That is why we are not home yet! With all of this going on, I'm not a victim. I don't have to be treated like a victim. I appreciate people caring about me, I just don't have to be a victim. The biggest thing I need right now is for people to understand what I am going through. Understanding what I'm going through will be the best thing that anyone can do.

The "hook-up." It is better to give than to receive. I love to give to people and I love to put smiles on people's faces. Just b/c I give a lot doesn't mean that I'm going to always be given back to. It always interests me when you hook someone up and then that person can't hook you up. I just make it happen. I learned to make things happen while I was starting a business with my Dad. Sometimes you just have to make it happen, no matter what. There is something to say for hooking people up and then not getting it in return. You live, learn, and forgive. jk livin

over the weekend....

I had my first Jimmy John's sandwich today. I had a turkey this afternoon. It was so good that I had to go back and get another tonight. Had a friend give me a weird look when they found out it was my first time to eat at Jimmy John's. I never really gave the issue much thought. You have subway, quiznos, jimmy john's, hungry howie's, firehouse, etc. I guess I was happy, so I never explored. I guess today was my exploration day. I would consider today a success. Jimmy John's is good and I'll be visiting there more often.

Had a ball'n day saturday. I spent saturday at Barber Motor Speedway in Leeds, AL. The Honda Superbike Classic was there. I had been one time before and became addicted. I have missed it the past couple years, but made my way back this weekend. I didn't remember how cool it was. I can say that Saturday was one of the best days of my life. Watching the motorcycles flirt with danger, hearing that, and smelling race fuel and burning rubber made the day very memorable. We spent from 8:30 to 5:00 at Barber. You can't get much better than that.

At the grocery store tonight I saw someone carrying their own grocery bag. It's the "conservationist" way to grocery shop. I have seen them before, but never thought about purchasing one. I might end up having to shop this way. It didn't look difficult or painful, and I know that everyone has way too many plastic bags. Now it seems pointless to waste so much plastic to just get your groceries home. I guess it would be a different story if you could use the plastic bags for something else productive.

I'm drinking green tea with peach tea. It's delicious. I'm trying to convert from coffee to green tea. Green tea is good for your skin and it increases your metabolism. I know that coffee is not "bad" for you, but it does cause your body to be more acidic.

I'm going to dig the new "Real World: Hollywood." It's interesting b/c you see these strangers come and live together before meeting. They all have, like everyone else, what people could identify as problems. It will be interesting to see what happens as they live in Hollywood. Will they be able to cope with downfalls in a town where all your dreams come true? Mary Ellis Bunam created "Real World." My hats off to her. She created something that is nothing but money.

Sometimes you try your hardest to plan things where they will work out. This weekend was something that I tried to plan out to a T. It didn't work out the way that I had hoped. Sometimes there are things in life that don't workout the way that you had hoped. You always do the next right thing, stay humble, and keep looking out for others and things will fall into place. Everything worked out just like it was supposed to, so I have to be happy.

Here's to another week...

wash your hands...

former UFC fighter. has been knocked out by chuck liddell. haha

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_y55ILMm6kSI/RzNQLT5dJ5I/AAAAAAAAA9c/8ZDdsO1EL2s/s400/Kevin%2BRandleman%2BStaph%2BRecovery2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://mmafever.blogspot.com/2007/11/kevin-randlemans-staph-recovery-w-pics.html&h=240&w=320&sz=13&hl=en&start=2&um=1&tbnid=6mn3bnMn5YWKpM:&tbnh=89&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dkevin%2Brandleman%2Bstaph%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den%26sa%3DN

just blogging

Little Wayne has been dominating my musical interest lately. I may have to call him, Lil' Wayne. Maybe I could call him Weezy F? Anyway, you get the story. I'm chill'n on a glass of wine and listening to weezy f from hollygrove on itunes. I've said before that I didn't like wayne. I just figured he was a typical thug rapper. I shouldn't have judged him. In the end it doesn't matter what I think of him. I can just like his music. His lyrics are unbelievable considering he doesn't write anything down. Come to find out he was a gifted student in elementary school. Now we know where these lyrics come from.

I'll admit that I watch the hills. I like the show. I guess that I'm secure enough to admit things like that. There are these Alicia Keys "Out-takes" during commercials. I don't think that I've seen much that is this gay. Today I saw that Nick Lachey is going to be on the season finale. I'm looking forward to this finale just like I was the Rob and Big finale. Speaking of which, I wish that show would just go on forever. I was in a trance thinking that it would last forever. I guess all good things must come to an end. Back to Nick Lachey....Dude should have put up with Jessica's crap b/c he is in a tailspin. You know you are gay when you out-take with Alicia Keys. How come celebrities can't quit the spotlight? Some will do anything to get it.

Speaking of Alicia Keys.... I don't think that she can sing. That's all.

I'm looking into Landscape Architecture for a degree. Still doing some research on all that.

"they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment ot anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." -Barack Obama
Barack is a scary individual. His association with his church in Chicago.

A congregation committed to ADORATION.
A congregation preaching SALVATION.
A congregation actively seeking RECONCILIATION.
A congregation with a non-negotiable COMMITMENT TO AFRICA.
A congregation committed to BIBLICAL EDUCATION.
A congregation committed to CULTURAL EDUCATION.
A congregation committed to the HISTORICAL EDUCATION OF AFRICAN PEOPLE IN DIASPORA.
A congregation committed to LIBERATION.
A congregation committed to RESTORATION.
A congregation working towards ECONOMIC PARITY.

This is his church's value system. They are committed to the black value system. What ever happened to the chinese, latino, native-americans, etc.? Wright has ties to the Black Panther Party and Louis Farrakahn. Obama has used is mantra of change to get where he is. He has freaked me out every time America has had a glimpse of who he really is. Obama also has a friendly tie to Bill Ayers of the weather underground.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weatherman_(organization)

Wine is gone...enjoy the blog

being alone.....

Most of the time that I hear people talk about being alone, it's in a bad situation. It's either depression, or someone who is socially awkward. I want to be sensitive to people who are dealing with hard social situations. At the same time, I believe that there are gems to be found while being alone. Sometimes you just have to see yourself again through your own eyes. This weekend I took some time to be alone. I've never done anything in my life to receive attention or sympathy. I don't write this blog to receive any of that. I hope that people can learn to be by themselves, learn to get away and find themselves again. All of this can be done without creating a need for sympathy. Try it. You might come out on the other side refreshed and ready for another week. just keep, livin!

surprises.....

i'm hoping that this blog comes out with the same gusto that i have in my head. tonight was one of the greatest nights of my life. my family threw a surprise party for my parents 50th birthday. my mom's birthday was march 26th and my dad's is april 9th. the party went great. my parents showed up to my aunt's house thinking that they were going to eat with my cousin and her fiance, they were wrong. there were a ton of people there. there were so many people that i knew at the party that i didn't know where to start. i decided to hang around some family until people made their way into other rooms of the house. those kinds of situations tend to stress me out a little. i try to make everyone feel as if they are extremely special. i do that b/c that is how i want to feel around my friends and family. if you have ever been put into a situation where you feel left our or that it doesn't really matter that you are there. you'll never want to feel like that ever again. i talked myself silly for who knows how long. i talked to some of the slappey's who i have not seen in such a long time. it was good to see them. i talked to will about his sga president run. it seems that the clinton's had a hand in derailing his campaign. i spoke to duski and daniel about auburn. by this time i had seen 3 grandparents, aunt, uncle, 3 cousins, niece. 2 sisters, spoken to kent and denise, and i think that's all. by this point, i'm having a ball. it's very demanding to be in a space with so many people. i really enjoyed the conversation and talking with everyone. this leads me to my favorite part of my evening. no it wasn't surprising my parents, seeing my grandparents, or getting sugar from my niece. my next conversation was with the nordykes. mr. nordyke had a stroke and has a hard time doing most normal things. i shook his hand, and it was a firm hand shake. he had to shake with his left hand, but i didn't give a shit. i was just happy that he was going to let me talk to him. i always find conversations go much better when you know it's a privilege to speak to someone. mr. nordyke has the ability to speak some things, and sometimes he gets frustrated when he knows what he wants to say, but he cannot say it. then there was mrs. nordyke. she was able to pick up on what he was saying, and all he would say was a few words. it was incredible to see that. i've spoken on here at length about mr. mcconaughey. he is so genuine, real, and one of a kind. i guess that is why i am able to relate to him so well. i thought of mcconaughey while speaking with mr. nordyke. i thought of how pure the conversation was. at one point he was getting frustrated and i told him, "i'm with you, and i'm listening." i wanted him to know that i didn't care if we were there all night, i wanted to hear what he had to say. the conversation was pure. i can't think of any other word to describe it? i hope that people are able to understand that. it was pure b/c i was committed to hearing what he had to say, and i was going to see everything he said like it was the first time i'd heard it. PURE. i'll post a video at the end of the blog where you can hopefully see the correlation b/w matthew and myself. i have to say that i don't speak of these instances as a pat on my back. i'm just sharing my night with the world wide web. at this point, i was trying to get something to eat. all this talking and not enough eating. the food was off the wall, i hope that there is some leftover. while eating i wanted to spend some time with my grandparents and aunt and uncle. i was able to do that. it felt really great to see them. of course every time i see them, it reminds me that i won't be able to spend boatloads of time with them. that really hurts my heart. i wish someone could capture my heart when i spend time with my grandad. i wish that something could capture how i feel when i'm with him and how freaking awesome it is. what i took away from tonight was a lot of joy, but more reality/pain. i see all of these people and i think that it would almost be impossible to spend as much time with all of them as i really wanted to. that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. seeing my grandparents and knowing that my time with them is fleeting, leaves a horrible taste in my mouth. all in all, it just reminded me that life is fleeting, but life is still beautiful. life is beautiful b/c you can have a party like that and see smiling faces all around. it's enjoyable for people to be able to see old friends and enjoy time with each other. life may be short, life may be cruel sometimes; but being able to have a night like this, makes living really worth it. i ended the night having a few brews and wine with ashley and her fiance. they said that they would visit the blog so i'll plug their website bohmanwedding.com. it's definitely a winner. no better way to end an awesome night with a great blog. i'm very pleased with the way all this came out. i have no idea how many people read this. if you do read it, let me know what you think. you can comment or email me drb0006@auburn.edu. here is a link of mcconaughey talking about having a couple bottles of wine with lance armstrong over a six hour dinner. it just shows you how awesome of a time you can have in pure conversation with someone. enjoy.......

foregoing current consumption.....

Took a test today in microeconomics. It was refreshing to take the test. I did very well on the test. It felt awesome to leave a test and know that you really did well. I haven't had that since I started taking classes at Auburn. We don't have test in software engineering. Calculus 2 tests should speak for themselves. Physics tests are bitches too. Then there is microeconomics. I did very well on the test. I am anxious to get to monday to see my grade. I'm very blessed to not get test anxiety. Taking tests don't bother me b/c I know that I've prepared the best that I could. Some material on the test was savings. My economics book described savings as foregoing current consumption, for future consumption. In other words, saving now and buying what you want later. I thought about that saying and just figured that I could apply it to my life. I need to evaluate my life and find out what is useful and what needs to be thrown away? I need to find a path and schedule that will get me where I need to go. I have to surround myself with people who know where I am going and who know that I'm going to obtain a goal no matter what. America has such a negative time rate of preference. American wants what they want, when they want it. There is no patience. I believe that this has been aided by the growth in technology. You can pretty much get in touch with anyone at anytime with technology. I know that I can call certain friends, on certain nights in college and get a hold of someone. If I get on x box late at night, there will be atleast one person on in the world; or someone who speaks my language. With no patience, credit card companies are wanting the money that you owe them. If you have such a negative rate of time preference, then you have to deal with the credit card companies. How many people are addicted to credit cards? It seems like it could be an addiction that would fly under the radar. I wonder how America would be if people would not have to have current consumption? How many things would people just forget about in life? If America could not eat the fudge sundae every day, then we wouldn't be seeing people lifted out of their house with cranes. You have to have enough consumption that you keep yourself happy. Having a life with no consumption is no way to be. Small amount of a bad consumption does not trump the good consumption. I believe that if people stepped back and looked at what is important in life, they would enjoy life more. I know that a certain diet, or workout regime is not my life. It might be my lifestyle, but it's by no means my life. I've learned that I have to meet these places halfway. I have to forego certain consumptions to acclimate to my real life. Life is not always easy to acclimate to. I try to forego things that are not important, or are not wise decisions. I'm trying to find out myself and acclimate my life to that scenario. Something that you consume later might be better than consuming now. Example: wine

wine and people's opinion...

wine, red wine. that word is becoming very familiar to me. i read a while back that 3 glasses of red wine a day will decrease your chance of prostate cancer 65%. one in three men will get prostate cancer. i'm going to do anything that i can to avoid that non-sense. i began to drink wine, and tried to get 3 glasses in a week. i was researching a guy name eric carlson. you can look him up on google. he is the worlds fittest model. he has had numerous magazine covers. along with being a model, he is a motivational speaker. i don't know him in that aspect, just as a model. he described his day and says he really enjoys cooking dinner later in the evening and enjoying some red wine. that has become a staple for me in my daily routine. i think it's awesome to go through the day and look forward to having some red wine while cooking a nice dinner.

i take people's opinion very seriously. i want people to see me as someone who they can respect. people's opinion does not effect who i am, or change me. it does cause me to think about my actions. everyone sees the person out here during the day, or here at night, or always that person on the weekend that blank.... then everyone is talking about how stupid you were or immature that was. i believe if everyone wanted people to see them at their best and to respect them, then people would want to show a good side. i don't understand why everyone is not like that? why would you want someone to see something of your's that is not the best? sometimes i just wish that people could see that showing a side of themselves that can be respected would fix a lot of problems in this world. i guess there are still the people who don't care what other's see. of course there are going to be those times when everyone makes mistakes and regrets it dearly. the good thing is that you can dig yourself out of a small hole if everything else in your life is respectful. it takes a lot of time and energy to dig yourself out of a hole you've been digging for a long time.

blogging....

blogging is a wonderful thing. i just think of something cool and put it on here. i made a protein shake yesterday that tasted like a milkshake. vanilla protein powder, natural peanut butter, 1 cup chocolate milk, banana. eating healthy is a wonderful thing. it is even more wonderful when you can eat healthy and it taste wonderful. i've been thinking a lot about being active and my competitive nature lately. i came down wrong on my knee playing football on spring break. i don't think that there is anything drastically wrong. my knee never swelled, changed color, or bruised. it just doesn't feel 100%. i've been icing it like a mad man and doing light exercise to try and let it heal. being as active as i am, i'm not able to do cross fit on my hurt knee. that hurts my spirit a little bit. cross fit is a fitness program where you compete against the clock, previous work history, and others around the world. plus it takes every bit of gusto you have to get through it. i love doing cross fit. it is also an outlet for my competitive spirit. since i have been hurt, i haven't let myself get down. i equate this time to down times in life. you just have to keep livin. of course i would like to be doing cross fit. i would love to not be hurt right now. i don't worry about things i can't change. life is so short, yet life is so long. there are so many opportunities to enjoy the things you love, but you have to take advantage of those opportunities when they present themselves. whenever i get in situations like this i think about things that i am not able to do when i am doing cross fit. instead of moping that i can't cross fit, i do the other things i enjoy doing. i can't wait to run again, play basketball, and maybe start jui-jitsu. next time you pass a fast food restaurant at noon, look and see how many people are in line. that will prove to you what kind of shape america is in.

i want to take a minute to talk about barack obama. barack's campaign has been about change. he doesn't talk about what kind of change, he just says change. his resume' of change in his political career is very slim. barack causes me to lose some sleep at night. i'm freaked out that someone can become so popular by saying one word, "change." not to mention his personal ties. he has been linked with farakahn, weathermen bomber william ayers, and of course his pastor. someone that has been linked to so many sketchy people should not be trusted. you don't just happen to be acquainted with so many controversial people. if you are linked with 3 sketchy people, that makes you sketchy. american people need to wake up and see things the way they truly are. i believe that this is a sad thing. it seems that more and more every day you meet more people. instead of just getting to know them, you have to do recon and put them under a microscope. you have to prove that they can be trusted and that they are going to be mature and responsible. i wish people could be real and keep good intent in everything. until next time...