being real.......

I'm sure that one could come up with many different meanings of "real." I'm not into philosophy. I believe that there is a time and place for everything. In this circumstance, I believe that it's better to just take a "forrest gump" look at being real. I'm the type of person who can't hide feelings. If I have something that is going on inside me, I can't hide it. Now, if I know that someone is going to ask that I don't really want to know then I'll hide it. That's not very often. For the most part, if something is eating at me, I have to get it out. So being real for me isn't so hard. I have just grown up being an honest person. I believe that if you don't put yourself 100% in something then you won't benefit from it. When I think about putting myself into something worthwhile, I think about relationships. When it comes down to the nitty gritty of life, you only have relationships. I try to put 100% of myself in every relationship that I have. That means 100% effort, time, honesty, caring, forgiveness. I try to make every person who is around me feel like I want them around. I do that b/c I have been treated the opposite of that in the past and it sucks to be that way. If you are someone who can hide feelings, don't open up easily, haven't been real your whole life, then why not start now? I can't see any other way to be in life than 100% honest. It makes you vulnerable. I've learned more from making myself vulnerable and being hurt than any other time in my life. I hate putting myself out there, and I hate being hurt; but I've been through it before and so I know it's not gonna kill me. I just think about how much I'll benefit from a relationship if I put 100% into it, than if I don't. I'm not saying to be an open book. There are certain things that only certain people should know. But if you don't allow yourself to be honest, then you'll live your whole life behind this facade that no one can seem to get through.

-Just got some great news from a great friend. It's about time bud! I couldn't be more happy for you.

Home.....

I came home today to see my Mom after her surgery. I didn't really like the fact that I was going home. I was having a blast in Auburn. I really enjoy hanging out with friends and relaxing on the weekends; not having the burden of school. The fact that I didn't want to leave Auburn didn't overwhelm me wanting to see my mom/family after her surgery. I came trekking home around noon today. The closer that I got to home, I couldn't wait to get here. I was itching to get home and when I finally got here, I was very happy. The lure of home is always with me. "I'm going to the place where love, and feeling good don't ever cost a thing, and the pain you feel's a different kind of pain. Well I'm going home, back to the place where I belong, and where your love has always been enough for me." Daughtry sings this song "home." I couldn't help but think about this song the closer I got here. I always feel warm here. The hardest part about dealing with something with your family is the possibility of your home not being the home it's always been. That's a hard thing to swallow.

update on mom

this week has been busy. life doesn't stop just b/c your mom is having surgery. i've found myself on the verge of tears many times this week. it's weird how one week you haven't even thought about crying and other times you'll be at chik-fil-a fighting back tears. mom's surgery went well. she is home today, but still has a long way to go. i know that mom hates being sick, and that she wants to be well asap. she will have her port put in for chemo in 3 weeks. i can't imagine knowing that in 3 weeks i'll have to start chemotherapy after a titanium rod being put in my neck. even as i write this i fight back tears. it hurts for me to think about my mom in so much pain. she is a strong woman. i hope to be as strong as her one day. although that may be unattainable. i can't imagine knowing i have terminal cancer and still persevering through these times knowing that unless God performs a miracle this disease you are fighting will kill you. through all of that, mom treks on. i love her more for that. i know that everyday i'm able to hear her voice is a blessing. i hope that i can remember that everyday. i know that mom's road is long, and the road for our family is going to be long as well. God is still good, and he is still gracious. He does not faint, and He does not grow weary. I'm glad b/c i have been weary all week.


caringbridge.org/visit/bridgetbeasley

mcconaughey

Mr. McConaughey is an interesting dude. Home boy is a very successful actor. He has taken 60 day and 40 day cross country trips in his King Ranch F-150 and Airstream RV. I believe that he is 37, and he gives me hope that I don't have to become a fat old man. Some might say that I'm stupid for admiring someone like him. I know that I have a man crush. I guess if you want to call me homosexual, feel free. You obviously don't know me. If you are a hater, then I'll give you business, feel free to hate on me. (thanks katt williams!) On a side note, Katt Williams is one of the most hilarious comedians I have ever heard. He does use vulgar language, but that doesn't bother me. Back to the task at hand. McConaughey has been an inspiration to me during this time of my life. He has a saying called, j.k. livin. He doesn't put a g on the end of living b/c livin is a verb and he believes that life never has a period. He believes that life just has commas, and you just keep rolling on around a turn, down a hill, or up a mountain, through a snowstorm, or in paradise. My mom has surgery this week. I'm two hours away going to school. I can't be there the day of her surgery, I have to go home next weekend to see her. It feels like my hands are tied b/c I can't be there. I know that this week is going to be hard as shit. I'm supposed to focus on physics and cal 2 when my mom is in surgery? Fat chance! That is where jk livin comes in. I know that God is going to grant me grace. I know that he is in control of my life, and my entire family's life. But there are times when you need to hear someone say something "earthly." Jk livin is just what I needed to hear during this time. I know that i just breathe in and breathe out. I know that the sun is going to come up the next day. I know that I have a new day every day to just keep livin. It's refreshing and encouraging to hear it. I try to apply this to every aspect of my life. If I don't get to get something done in one day, I'll just do it tomorrow. If I didn't take my vitamin yesterday, I'll take it today. If I'm sick today, then I'll do what I can to be better tomorrow. You just gotta keep livin. There was one day when my dad was looking at an airstream and I hated it. Now I'm in love with them. I would love to hook my airstream up to my big truck and just go. Grab a cup of coffee, my pretty girl, and just head somewhere. Just to explore life and see what's out there. To make memories, take pictures, smile, and live a story. That's life! One day I will do it. I may own an airstream before I own a house. You never know where life is going to take you. You never know what tomorrow brings. This week is going to suck, but I know that someone will keep a smile on my face. just keep livin!

i really miss the beauty of a day of snowboarding in Vail.

change...

21 has possibly changed bear beasley. i never have been a very laid back person. i wouldn't go as far as to say that i am laid back now, but i have felt different since turning 21. i've never had a class load this hard. i've never had a mother with terminal cancer. it seems i've never had this much on my plate. i feel like the old bear would have freaked out and shut down. for some reason i just keep livin. it seems that the more that i have to do, i just get it done. i know that every new day i have an opportunity to do more than i did the day before. i'm happy with the way that the semester has been going so far. i knew that i had to buckle down and focus this semester. i have done a good job at doing that, and i hope it will stay that way. i have a good schedule, i just have to get through tuesdays and thursdays. this wasn't a planned blog. i really want to talk about, "just keep livin." i just felt a need to put this down. i'm not looking forward to the next week. we get monday off from school, but mom has surgery tuesday. i'm praying i have the strength to deal with all that with everything else that i have going on. sometimes the pressure is so much, that i can physically feel it on my chest. and i thought that cal 2 and physics was rough. back to me being different. i havn't really lost my cool since turning 21. nothing has really caused me to freak out. it seems that i'm taking things in stride and just dealing with what i have to deal with. i really like being that way. i know that i still have that "dramatic" side to me. i'm aware that it is still there. i'm going to be careful when it rears it's ugly head again, i hope. every day is a new day. every day is a day to start fresh and be better than the day before. if that doesn't work out, there is always tomorrow. sometimes i seem to forget that the sun comes up every day. probably b/c i hate to see it come up, b/c that means i would be up that early. but i'm thankful that it comes up!

good conversations....

Having a good conversation with someone is my favorite thing in the world. There was one day when baseball was my favorite activity. Not one day goes by when I don't miss the game of baseball. I'm glad that I'm able to enjoy something as much as I enjoyed playing baseball. How do you get better than a good conversation? It seems that everything in the world just fades away, and you are just talking. I have to say that having a good conversation with someone is the most quality time I could imagine having with someone. No matter how busy I think I am, or how many things I have going on. I rarely will pass up the opportunity to converse with someone. Sometimes I feel that is what life is all about. Being able to connect with someone in conversation and enjoying their company. Just thinking about it puts a smile on my face. Thank God for the ability to speak, think, and converse with others. It seems that life just continually gets busier. The busier that it gets, the more that I'm able to get used to it. I've come to embrace, "living to the hilt." What better way to enjoy life? Sometimes when I think about all I have to do in life I get overwhelmed and I can't think. It seems like everything gets cloudy and I can't process. We sang a song in church today that summed all of that up. "You are the everlasting God, You do not faint, You don't grow weary." I'm glad that HE doesn't grow weary, b/c it seems I always am. Another week is about to start. I wonder how much fun I can have this week? can't wait......

up next........... j k livin

how do you start your day?

i start my day with the slideshow of my family @ jasonwallisphotgraphy.com/beasley. it gets my mind right and helps me remember where i came from, and makes me thankful for the life God has blessed me with. i always listen to rascal flatts "these days." that song speaks for itself. i make my smoothie, some hot tea, and i'm ready to go. i always look forward to my morning routine. jk livin