Dear Karan,

If you are reading this it means i actually worked up the courage to mail it. So good for me! You don't know me very well but if you get me started, i have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me, but this, this is the hardest thing I've had to write. There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. I met someone. It was an accident i wasn't looking for it I wasn't on the make. It was a perfect storm. She said one thing, I said another. Next thing i know, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there's this feeling in my gut, she might be the one. She's completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic. Great deal of maintenance required. She is you Karen. That's the good news. The bad is that i don't know how to be with you right now, and it scares the shit out of me. Because if I'm not with you right now, I have this feeling we will get lost out there. It’s a big bad world full of twists and turns, and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could of changed everything. I don’t know what’s going on with us and I can’t tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home, and you make excellent coffee; that has to count for something right? Call me!
Unfaithfully yours,
Hank Moody

"Californication" Season 2 Episode 10

CC SABATHIA

just signed the biggest contract in MLB history for a pitcher. of course he with the yankees. the only people who have larger contracts are his teammates jeter, and arod.

"if you can't stand me, then knock me down, but i don't want to hear that shit like foxxy brown." -weezy

"i tried to be guarded, i'm an open book instead." -lifehouse

David Foster Wallace

we had to read this in world lit. II; interesting read. wallace committed suicide in september. he sounds disturbed.

David Foster Wallace
Transcription of the 2005 Kenyon Commencement Address - May 21, 2005

(If anybody feels like perspiring [cough], I'd advise you to go ahead, because I'm sure going to. In fact I'm gonna [mumbles while pulling up his gown and taking out a handkerchief from his pocket].) Greetings ["parents"?] and congratulations to Kenyon's graduating class of 2005. There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?"

This is a standard requirement of US commencement speeches, the deployment of didactic little parable-ish stories. The story ["thing"] turns out to be one of the better, less bullshitty conventions of the genre, but if you're worried that I plan to present myself here as the wise, older fish explaining what water is to you younger fish, please don't be. I am not the wise old fish. The point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about. Stated as an English sentence, of course, this is just a banal platitude, but the fact is that in the day to day trenches of adult existence, banal platitudes can have a life or death importance, or so I wish to suggest to you on this dry and lovely morning.

Of course the main requirement of speeches like this is that I'm supposed to talk about your liberal arts education's meaning, to try to explain why the degree you are about to receive has actual human value instead of just a material payoff. So let's talk about the single most pervasive cliché in the commencement speech genre, which is that a liberal arts education is not so much about filling you up with knowledge as it is about quote teaching you how to think. If you're like me as a student, you've never liked hearing this, and you tend to feel a bit insulted by the claim that you needed anybody to teach you how to think, since the fact that you even got admitted to a college this good seems like proof that you already know how to think. But I'm going to posit to you that the liberal arts cliché turns out not to be insulting at all, because the really significant education in thinking that we're supposed to get in a place like this isn't really about the capacity to think, but rather about the choice of what to think about. If your total freedom of choice regarding what to think about seems too obvious to waste time discussing, I'd ask you to think about fish and water, and to bracket for just a few minutes your skepticism about the value of the totally obvious.

Here's another didactic little story. There are these two guys sitting together in a bar in the remote Alaskan wilderness. One of the guys is religious, the other is an atheist, and the two are arguing about the existence of God with that special intensity that comes after about the fourth beer. And the atheist says: "Look, it's not like I don't have actual reasons for not believing in God. It's not like I haven't ever experimented with the whole God and prayer thing. Just last month I got caught away from the camp in that terrible blizzard, and I was totally lost and I couldn't see a thing, and it was fifty below, and so I tried it: I fell to my knees in the snow and cried out 'Oh, God, if there is a God, I'm lost in this blizzard, and I'm gonna die if you don't help me.'" And now, in the bar, the religious guy looks at the atheist all puzzled. "Well then you must believe now," he says, "After all, here you are, alive." The atheist just rolls his eyes. "No, man, all that was was a couple Eskimos happened to come wandering by and showed me the way back to camp."

It's easy to run this story through kind of a standard liberal arts analysis: the exact same experience can mean two totally different things to two different people, given those people's two different belief templates and two different ways of constructing meaning from experience. Because we prize tolerance and diversity of belief, nowhere in our liberal arts analysis do we want to claim that one guy's interpretation is true and the other guy's is false or bad. Which is fine, except we also never end up talking about just where these individual templates and beliefs come from. Meaning, where they come from INSIDE the two guys. As if a person's most basic orientation toward the world, and the meaning of his experience were somehow just hard-wired, like height or shoe-size; or automatically absorbed from the culture, like language. As if how we construct meaning were not actually a matter of personal, intentional choice. Plus, there's the whole matter of arrogance. The nonreligious guy is so totally certain in his dismissal of the possibility that the passing Eskimos had anything to do with his prayer for help. True, there are plenty of religious people who seem arrogant and certain of their own interpretations, too. They're probably even more repulsive than atheists, at least to most of us. But religious dogmatists' problem is exactly the same as the story's unbeliever: blind certainty, a close-mindedness that amounts to an imprisonment so total that the prisoner doesn't even know he's locked up.

The point here is that I think this is one part of what teaching me how to think is really supposed to mean. To be just a little less arrogant. To have just a little critical awareness about myself and my certainties. Because a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded. I have learned this the hard way, as I predict you graduates will, too.

Here is just one example of the total wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe; the realest, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it's so socially repulsive. But it's pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on. Other people's thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real.

Please don't worry that I'm getting ready to lecture you about compassion or other-directedness or all the so-called virtues. This is not a matter of virtue. It's a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering or getting free of my natural, hard-wired default setting which is to be deeply and literally self-centered and to see and interpret everything through this lens of self. People who can adjust their natural default setting this way are often described as being "well-adjusted", which I suggest to you is not an accidental term.

Given the triumphant academic setting here, an obvious question is how much of this work of adjusting our default setting involves actual knowledge or intellect. This question gets very tricky. Probably the most dangerous thing about an academic education -- least in my own case -- is that it enables my tendency to over-intellectualize stuff, to get lost in abstract argument inside my head, instead of simply paying attention to what is going on right in front of me, paying attention to what is going on inside me.

As I'm sure you guys know by now, it is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive, instead of getting hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your own head (may be happening right now). Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come gradually to understand that the liberal arts cliché about teaching you how to think is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea: learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about quote the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master.

This, like many clichés, so lame and unexciting on the surface, actually expresses a great and terrible truth. It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always shoot themselves in: the head. They shoot the terrible master. And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger.

And I submit that this is what the real, no bullshit value of your liberal arts education is supposed to be about: how to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone day in and day out. That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense. Let's get concrete. The plain fact is that you graduating seniors do not yet have any clue what "day in day out" really means. There happen to be whole, large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches. One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration. The parents and older folks here will know all too well what I'm talking about.

By way of example, let's say it's an average adult day, and you get up in the morning, go to your challenging, white-collar, college-graduate job, and you work hard for eight or ten hours, and at the end of the day you're tired and somewhat stressed and all you want is to go home and have a good supper and maybe unwind for an hour, and then hit the sack early because, of course, you have to get up the next day and do it all again. But then you remember there's no food at home. You haven't had time to shop this week because of your challenging job, and so now after work you have to get in your car and drive to the supermarket. It's the end of the work day and the traffic is apt to be: very bad. So getting to the store takes way longer than it should, and when you finally get there, the supermarket is very crowded, because of course it's the time of day when all the other people with jobs also try to squeeze in some grocery shopping. And the store is hideously lit and infused with soul-killing muzak or corporate pop and it's pretty much the last place you want to be but you can't just get in and quickly out; you have to wander all over the huge, over-lit store's confusing aisles to find the stuff you want and you have to maneuver your junky cart through all these other tired, hurried people with carts (et cetera, et cetera, cutting stuff out because this is a long ceremony) and eventually you get all your supper supplies, except now it turns out there aren't enough check-out lanes open even though it's the end-of-the-day rush. So the checkout line is incredibly long, which is stupid and infuriating. But you can't take your frustration out on the frantic lady working the register, who is overworked at a job whose daily tedium and meaninglessness surpasses the imagination of any of us here at a prestigious college.

But anyway, you finally get to the checkout line's front, and you pay for your food, and you get told to "Have a nice day" in a voice that is the absolute voice of death. Then you have to take your creepy, flimsy, plastic bags of groceries in your cart with the one crazy wheel that pulls maddeningly to the left, all the way out through the crowded, bumpy, littery parking lot, and then you have to drive all the way home through slow, heavy, SUV-intensive, rush-hour traffic, et cetera et cetera.

Everyone here has done this, of course. But it hasn't yet been part of you graduates' actual life routine, day after week after month after year.

But it will be. And many more dreary, annoying, seemingly meaningless routines besides. But that is not the point. The point is that petty, frustrating crap like this is exactly where the work of choosing is gonna come in. Because the traffic jams and crowded aisles and long checkout lines give me time to think, and if I don't make a conscious decision about how to think and what to pay attention to, I'm gonna be pissed and miserable every time I have to shop. Because my natural default setting is the certainty that situations like this are really all about me. About MY hungriness and MY fatigue and MY desire to just get home, and it's going to seem for all the world like everybody else is just in my way. And who are all these people in my way? And look at how repulsive most of them are, and how stupid and cow-like and dead-eyed and nonhuman they seem in the checkout line, or at how annoying and rude it is that people are talking loudly on cell phones in the middle of the line. And look at how deeply and personally unfair this is.

Or, of course, if I'm in a more socially conscious liberal arts form of my default setting, I can spend time in the end-of-the-day traffic being disgusted about all the huge, stupid, lane-blocking SUV's and Hummers and V-12 pickup trucks, burning their wasteful, selfish, forty-gallon tanks of gas, and I can dwell on the fact that the patriotic or religious bumper-stickers always seem to be on the biggest, most disgustingly selfish vehicles, driven by the ugliest [responding here to loud applause] (this is an example of how NOT to think, though) most disgustingly selfish vehicles, driven by the ugliest, most inconsiderate and aggressive drivers. And I can think about how our children's children will despise us for wasting all the future's fuel, and probably screwing up the climate, and how spoiled and stupid and selfish and disgusting we all are, and how modern consumer society just sucks, and so forth and so on.

You get the idea.

If I choose to think this way in a store and on the freeway, fine. Lots of us do. Except thinking this way tends to be so easy and automatic that it doesn't have to be a choice. It is my natural default setting. It's the automatic way that I experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life when I'm operating on the automatic, unconscious belief that I am the center of the world, and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world's priorities.

The thing is that, of course, there are totally different ways to think about these kinds of situations. In this traffic, all these vehicles stopped and idling in my way, it's not impossible that some of these people in SUV's have been in horrible auto accidents in the past, and now find driving so terrifying that their therapist has all but ordered them to get a huge, heavy SUV so they can feel safe enough to drive. Or that the Hummer that just cut me off is maybe being driven by a father whose little child is hurt or sick in the seat next to him, and he's trying to get this kid to the hospital, and he's in a bigger, more legitimate hurry than I am: it is actually I who am in HIS way.

Or I can choose to force myself to consider the likelihood that everyone else in the supermarket's checkout line is just as bored and frustrated as I am, and that some of these people probably have harder, more tedious and painful lives than I do.

Again, please don't think that I'm giving you moral advice, or that I'm saying you are supposed to think this way, or that anyone expects you to just automatically do it. Because it's hard. It takes will and effort, and if you are like me, some days you won't be able to do it, or you just flat out won't want to.

But most days, if you're aware enough to give yourself a choice, you can choose to look differently at this fat, dead-eyed, over-made-up lady who just screamed at her kid in the checkout line. Maybe she's not usually like this. Maybe she's been up three straight nights holding the hand of a husband who is dying of bone cancer. Or maybe this very lady is the low-wage clerk at the motor vehicle department, who just yesterday helped your spouse resolve a horrific, infuriating, red-tape problem through some small act of bureaucratic kindness. Of course, none of this is likely, but it's also not impossible. It just depends what you what to consider. If you're automatically sure that you know what reality is, and you are operating on your default setting, then you, like me, probably won't consider possibilities that aren't annoying and miserable. But if you really learn how to pay attention, then you will know there are other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.

Not that that mystical stuff is necessarily true. The only thing that's capital-T True is that you get to decide how you're gonna try to see it.

This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship.

Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship -- be it JC or Allah, bet it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles -- is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.

Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're evil or sinful, it's that they're unconscious. They are default settings.

They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing.

And the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings, because the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving and [unintelligible -- sounds like "displayal"]. The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.

That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.

I know that this stuff probably doesn't sound fun and breezy or grandly inspirational the way a commencement speech is supposed to sound. What it is, as far as I can see, is the capital-T Truth, with a whole lot of rhetorical niceties stripped away. You are, of course, free to think of it whatever you wish. But please don't just dismiss it as just some finger-wagging Dr. Laura sermon. None of this stuff is really about morality or religion or dogma or big fancy questions of life after death.

The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death.

It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:

"This is water."

"This is water."

It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive in the adult world day in and day out. Which means yet another grand cliché turns out to be true: your education really IS the job of a lifetime. And it commences: now.

I wish you way more than luck.

it's jimmy v week

jimmy v is nc state's former basketball coach. he died of cancer. before he died, he started the jimmy v foundation. since being started, the foundation has raised 80 million dollars for cancer research. jimmy v week on espn features the jimmy v classic tournament at MSQ, and other bball games throughout the week. i'm studying for finals so i haven't been able to watch too much tv, but i just caught some interviews of some people who knew jimmy v. they were giving their memories of jimmy v. when i saw them talk about their friend, i saw how they were keeping him alive. it's a cool thing to keep those people alive through living your life. go read an evan tanner blog. RIP evan

how i'm doing....

these days......


feel kinda......

sad sec championship

well the game today didn't quite turn out the way i hoped. i was looking forward to having something to smile about after a bama win. so, i found something else to smile about. as i was watching FL get the win, i wished i could have seen the game in person. once you've experienced a big game, it's never the same again. i guess it's like your no longer a big game virgin. the year was 2004 and it was the biggest baseball game of my life. smcs vs. fyffe in fort payne. the AHSAA baseball playoffs. i had only heard of those in legend and now i was in the game. there's a nervousness about me before big games. i can't eat, i'm really nervous, and i'm analyzing everything. as the game draws closer, everything gets worse. once the game starts, all of that fades away, and it's instinct. you see, i was born to play baseball. there are plays in my life that i don't remember b/c it was all instinct. for instance, shades mtn. all star tournament, i was 13. starting shortstop for vestavia, and that was a big deal. we were playing hoover, i think. i can play any position on the baseball diamond. i wonder if anyone will ever recognize that? is it worth something? really? anyway, i'm most comfortable at short stop than anywhere else. that angle fits me like true religions. somehow i can tell by the way the batter's stance is where he is going to hit the ball. it's been that way ever since i took the position for the first time. so, the batter for hoover is up and i can tell he is fixing to hit it right at me and since i'd seen there batters hit at least once, i remember where their tendencies are. sure enough the ball is hit toward me, to my right, in b/w me and the third baseman. that's all i remember. i don't remember catching the ball or throwing it to second. i just know that's what happened. i went to my right, stabbed the ball off a hop. reaching all the way across my body. i turned, jumped in the air, and threw the ball to second base. why did i do that move? i saw it on sportscenter. my mom tells me i have the best griffey imitation ever. so, that's time in my life where instinct ran it's course. that was a pretty long tangent. before tonight's game i felt that same feeling i had before my first big playoff game. it's a feeling that i can't describe, but once you've played in a big game, you know the feeling. as i had this feeling, and it was about kickoff; my mind started to race. i thought about how most athletes are seen as cocky. who knows if that is really the case? i don't know them personally. maybe they are just confident? i just see guys putting themselves on national tv, playing their hearts out, and there has to be a loser. everyone knows that before the game starts. but these guys (athletes) do it week in and week out. they fail in front of people, are in tabloids and tmz.com in front of people. it takes a lot of love for the game and thick skin to do that.

"life's messy...and the sooner you realize that spillin the wine is part of it, the sooner you start lettin the dogs lick it up."

seven jeans, true religion...

i got a phone call today....

and they said your the.....

lil wayne

nominated for 8 grammy's. leads the number of nominations. he's making it very hard not to notice him.

"to sit still and contemplate- to remember the faces of women without desire, to be pleased by the great deeds of men without envy, to be everything and everywhere in sympathy, and yet content to remain where and what you are- is not this to know both wisdom and virtue, and dwell with happiness?"

-robbie louis stevenson

15 days till 22

life ain't a rehearsal, you only get one shot...that's how we try to live, make friends, don't harm nobody, and get on with it..
-marion and joy snell.. grand canyon 11.06.08

i don't really have a lot to say tonight. just wanted to put that quote up. i have this in my right shoulder. i injured it my senior season playing baseball. it's time to get it fixed. rumor has it i'm making a comeback.

AL beats FL this weekend to go on and win the nat'l championship. roll tide!

"if i can't see the sun, maybe i should go."

Ron Paul

facebook

American Music Awards

the AMA's were sunday night. lil wayne was nominated for 2-3 awards. he didn't win any awards. jimmy kimmel made a joke about him not being able to show up. no one has reported this, but i believe wayne had problems at the nokia theatre. he has had problems in the past couple weeks with security wanting to check him and his entourage before they enter the venue. i think that wayne won the awards and they gave them to kanye, or 2nd place b/c wayne wasn't there. it makes no sense for wayne not to win. his cd, "tha carter III" sold 1 million in the first week. he is the biggest rock star alive right now.

Lil Wayne Fans Are Disappointed... And Waiting for a Refund
Reported by: Edward Moody
Email: emoody@13wham.com
Last Update: 10/29 9:02 pm
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Lil Wayne Tickets
Lil Wayne Fans Upset
(Rochester, N.Y.)-About 8,000 people showed up Sunday night to see Lil Wayne and other acts at the Blue Cross Arena, including the rapper Ludacris. But it wasn’t until the middle of the concert that folks found out that Lil Wayne, or Weezie, as fans call him, was a no-show.

Spokespeople say he didn’t like the Blue Cross Arena’s sound system.

Now, fans are waiting to see if they will get their money back, or if Lil Wayne will return to the area to do another concert.

Angela Simpson drove in from Brockport on Wednesday to get her daughter’s money back, was told to check back on Friday.

“It's a waste of time,” Simpson said, “because he did it three times already, including Rochester. So you know, it's not fair to the fans.”

Simpson says her daughter is upset; she attended the concert for her birthday, and wasn’t able to see Lil Wayne.

This is not the first time Lil Wayne has backed out of a show at the last minute. Monday night, the night after he was scheduled to appear in Rochester, Lil Wayne refused to go onstage for about 20,000 fans in Boston.

The Blue Cross Arena says they are holding all of the ticket money until a decision on refunds or another concert is made. They have contacted the attorney general’s office, which is currently monitoring the situation.

The local promoters of the concert say they’re trying to see if the hip hop star will come back and do another show. They may not have an answer on that until the end of the week.

In the meantime, ticket holders are becoming increasingly frustrated.

great video

i'm watching bama play oregon at the maui invitational. oregon has the baddest uniforms on the planet b/c NIKE originates in oregon.

smile

i think your smile is the best thing about you. the reason the room lights up when you enter is b/c of your smile. it's a glow that comes from deep inside you. that part that nobody wants to give away, but the very thing i've longed for since i first saw your smile. i've been restless since we've been away. that peace i had next to you, i see every night when i close my eyes.

INTRODUCING.....mr. john mayer

sometimes i can't find the words. at those times i don't think there are supposed to be words. so, at this time, here are some great words.

reincarnation

brilliant album cover.

old country songs

whenever i hear an old country song, i think about old times. these images usually come in my head.
for whatever reason, these images appeal to me. there are times i find myself wanting to turn back the clock and just farm on my land. any time that you see pictures like these, you always see beautiful country.
whenever i see these pictures, things get really peaceful.

the day after the cma's

i was watching the cma's and they were showing the nominations for vocal group of the year. this is the second time in the show i've seen rascal flatts. there were different groups nominated. i said to myself, "who else!? who else!?" by this point it was a scream and when they won "the bear show" erupted. i think that might be the 5th or 6th time in a row they have taken home those honors. i'm very proud of my boys, but these kinds of things are expected. now it's time for them to put out some new material. here are some other musings.

i so called lil wayne being there. i should win something for that. he performed with kid rock.

taylor swift is one of the greatest songwriters alive right now. as bad as i hate to say that. this is one of the most well written songs i've ever laid ears on.

carrie underwood is the best female vocalist i've ever heard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeavmGw2GUQ

jennifer hough is really hot.

CMA's tonight

all week they have been hitting the airwaves with propaganda about the CMA music awards. you see the usual suspects, minus rascal flatts. wtf? it's personal bit**. ahaha jk. do we need to remind everyone who rascal flatts is? they had a greatest hits album come out last week. (from billboard.com)"After landing a record deal with Lyric Street Records, Rascal Flatts recorded an eclectic mix of country and pop for the trio's self-titled debut. The album arrived in 2000, and "Prayin' for Daylight" became the group's first smash single. Rascal Flatts ultimately sent four singles to the Top Ten before the band's second album, Melt, appeared in October 2002. Co-produced by the bandmates themselves, Melt sold a million copies in eight weeks and yielded the band's first number one country hit, "These Days." By this time, Rascal Flatts had established itself as a highly successful country act, with a particularly strong following amongst younger listeners (an elusive demographic to most country stars). A live album served as an amiable segue between Melt and 2004's chart-topping Feels Like Today, while Me and My Gang arrived in April 2006. Rascal Flatts' 2007 release, Still Feels Good, enjoyed a similar reception, going platinum before the year's end and yielding another number one hit, "Take Me There."

i reckon i'll get off of my soapbox about RF. anyway, i think that Mr. Carter will be the special guest at the CMA's. he has reason to make splashes here soon. dedication 3 the album is coming out tomorrow. if i was a reader of my blog i would be pissed at this point. the reason i would be pissed is b/c i always talk about wayne. haha, not going to talk anymore about him right here, but maybe later, stay tuned.

for those of you who know me well, know that all i've listened to seriously for the past 6 months is lil wayne. although what you don't know is that i always have a million business items to conduct every day. therefore, i've been dabbling in some other musical genres. the first is damn john mayer. dude is dating j. anniston again. i'm pissed b/c when she divorced brad i thought that was my way in. still fuming over this. but i'm not hating. i have to give credit to john he is a bad ass. his music is great. he may be one of the best guitarist's alive right now. his tattoo is amazing. **NEWS FLASH** bear will have a sleeve one day. holla. i've been listening to this.

and this is his tat.

i've also been listening to mr. toby keith. he came out with a great song. this is a great song. it's the only way i could find to put it on here. turns out the video is hilarious.
of course i can't forget my boy joe rogan and his sleeve. he is the first inspiration for a tat.

i'm pissed that the election occured and the only relevant topic was the economy. it feels like an induced economic panic, but then again it doesn't. if it was gov't induced then i don't see why bush would have that, b/c it didn't help mccain that so many people had pure hatred for bush. on the other hand it could have come from congress and the lovely mrs. pelosi since it helped obama so much. i hope that i can say this without being judged b/c i don't have a problem with obama personally. i just don't agree that big gov't is the answer. i can't believe that he lived change the whole campaign and he rode it out of town. crazy that this tactic worked. it's crazy to me that the war really wasn't that relevant. neither was illegal immigration. you never heard about isreal and iran about to blow each other up. the crazy shit that happened b/w russia and georgia. that whole thing was covered up by the media. google moderate media outlet. you'll get more results googling your name. haha. i hope that the country can pull out, but it wont. it's going to be just like i am legend. you have all the infra-structure but you have no money and no people.

i've been trying to figure out the whole mayan calendar saying the world will end in 2012. some crazy stuff. hopefully they didn't know what they were talking about and that won't happen.

don't you love the hills......

haha

I love the HILLS b/c LC got this , but Heidi and Spencer got this .

that's a rolls royce phantom. hahaa and your chrysler 300 look like phantom, until a phantom pull up. j k livin

are you cool enough to be on my playlist?

haha i'm jk with that title. it's a thursday here on the plains. it's been a good week, j k livin. lil wayne came out with a new mixtape this week, "young moula baby." he has a song on there with bobby valentino called, "smile." this song was the first song that i listened to off of this cd. it was like 7 in the morning. if you know me, i'm still groggy at like 8:30. mornings and me don't get along, like LC and Heidi. hahaha. anyway, when the song came on, instantly started smiling. come to find out, that was the name. here is the song. if you are interested.
On another note, Real World/Road Rule's latest challenge is amazing. There are the usual suspects, with some great rookies stranded on an island. The US Army drops them supplies every few days. i don't know how legit the living conditions are, but they seem rugged. Everything has to be rationed, there is no plumbing or ac. I have enjoyed watching the show. These are crazy people interacting and you couldn't write this if you tried. I believe the best part is the "mob" that exists. Kenny, Johanna, Johnny, Dunbar, Paula, and Derrick run the whole island. They have enough people in their alliance and enough influence everywhere else to make people bow down. It's freaking awesome to watch. This is reality tv.

Ron Paul needs to be the next president. This bailout bill is bullshit. Let the people who are stupid learn a lesson. Ron Paul puts a grim outlook on America. I feel that Americans need to feel/see the grim output and put some people into fight or flight mode, and let a little savage human nature out. I'm not worried about the depression. If I have to kill my own food, that sounds like a cool as shit task to me. Sure would beat going to learn about economics and the whistleblower law. Listen how screwed up this is. If you are a whistleblower, you sell out your company for unethical practices; and you are eligible to receive 25% of the court awarded amount. This is true even if you were in on the unethical practice, and then you came clean.


I always hear people talking about America being so much like Rome. I haven't put much research into it to see if it's even a valid opinion, but I did form a connection. In Rome, they liked to watch the gladiators fight. Is the UFC the next gladiator arena? Check out this fight company's t-shirt. http://www.mmawarehouse.com/v/vspfiles/photos/aut-0014-2T.jpg

Think America is really that ticked at Iran? http://www.halliburtonwatch.org/shareholder2004.html

monday's post

croak

RIP Evan Tanner

cried and i don't even know the dude. i respect the hell out of Evan. cool dude. i miss him already.

DRAMA

none other...

a good one

quote of the day...

"she's a cautious one, he observed. kiss her once, and she seemed to question it all. but allow her to lead, and the caution seemed to fade. he knew she was trying to figure him out, trying to match his story to the man she saw sitting across from her. but there was no mistaking the sympathy on her face the moment she realized how similar they were."- N. Sparks

go for the GOLD!!

http://www.tmz.com/2008/09/06/its-good-to-be-michael-phelps/

Angels and Demons

I just finished this book. It is THE BEST book I have ever read. The majority of people who found out I was reading this book, immediately discredited it b/c it was "wacko," or "by Dan Brown." That sort of thing sure is sad. The book centers around a priest and his adopted daughter trying to uncover how science glorifies God. They create anti-matter. Which is exactly what it says, "anti-matter." They discover this b/c God created everything in opposites. For example, light and dark, summer and winter, male and female, etc. Turns out an old gang, find out about the anti-matter and try to blow up the Vatican during conclave. The book takes you on this scientific roller coaster through the four pillars of science in Rome: earth, air, fire, water. I'm glad I read the book b/c not only was it a good read, but it inspires a really cool trip to Rome. j k livin

bury my heart at wounded knee

pretty good movie. here are a couple quotes i really liked.


A vision came to me when the sun went into shadow, and I lay dying. And in my death, I saw the Heavens of the white robes. And yes, it is as they describe it. But also there, my children, all the Indians that ever roamed this earth, all your beloved ancestors, and mine, and those young ones who were taken by the white man's diseases. Do not grieve for them. They want you to know that they are happy. Yes. And you should not grieve for yourselves, because here is what the white robes did not tell you- the white man, my children, will soon be no more. Now you must not hate the white man. This will onlydelay his end. But if you will do the dance that I will teach you, all the ancestors will return. And the buffalo will be renewed. And you shall all live forever. Forever in the freedom that we as Indian people once knew. -wovoka

Charles Eastman: And now you speak of coercion. I don't understand.
Henry Dawes: If we don't put that land into the hands of individual Indians in five years- less-homesteaders and ranchers will demand it all... for nothing. The Indian must own his own piece of earth, Charles.
Charles Eastman: Did you know that there is no word in the Sioux language for that, sir?
Henry Dawes: For what?
Charles Eastman: To "own the earth." Not in any native language.
Henry Dawes: Well, then perhaps you should invent one.

can't wait for this one

Honda Ruckus

According to "Turbo" Beasley, "Honda makes the best engine." Walking out of class the other day I see a couple people jump on a pair of metropolitan scooters. I have seen them before and have always thought they were cool. Well on the back of the seat it said Honda. I had no idea Honda made the Metropolitan scooter. I've been trying to convince my dad to buy me a scooter. It would be perfect at school, and you can drive right to the door of your class. I could go like 2 lane road, 45 mph, all the way to class. It's a money idea. I think that I've hit the jackpot when I see that Honda makes some bad ass scooters. http://www.dsquared.org/cars/2003_1metrosky.jpg

You are probably looking at the Metropolitan right now and thinking that it looks a bit girlie. After searching for the metropolitan on Honda's website, I saw that they made the ruckus as well. Bob Barker just kissed me I won so much money. Can you smell me? I smell like money. The ruckus is a bad ass scooter. It has low emissions to not piss off al gore. It gets great gas mileage. So it is economical. If you need any more convincing, Rob and Big rode them on their show. http://www.scootervul.com/images/280-todd.jpg

I have all the ingredients to convince "turbo." I'll have to put a pic of me on my ruckus for my facebook profile. yesss!

You take a bad ass scooter, and a redneck can't resist to burnout on it.

it's been awhile....

with a title like that, and growing up in the late 90's; i couldn't resist a little staind.



I love to blog. in some areas of life i don't have a lot of patience. i still struggle with that right now. when i see something i want, i want it right then and there. i've wanted to blog or a while now. this is just the first time i've really been able to sit down and commit to one.

a couple posts back i posted some little wayne lyrics. i grew up in bham, AL and lived there till I was 18. so posting those lyrics with "crude" words and all was really ballsy of me. that's what this blog is about. i don't want people to look at weezy as a thug. if you know what is going on in his life, his lyrics make sense. from mtvnews.com, wayne's tour bus contained 4 ounces of marijuana, more more than 1 ounce of cocaine, 41 grams of ecstasy, drug paraphernalia, $22,000 in cash and a .40-caliber pistol that was registered to Wayne in Florida, where he has a concealed-weapons permit. so when he says, " you should let your money talk for you;" you understand why he says that. i relish lil wayne's lyrics. his ability to take his life and put it in a rhyme is therapy. there is a lot of wisdom in his lyrics. example given, "no sitting at the table if you bringing nothing to it," and "Yeah when I was fourteen I told my mom we will see better days And sure enough I got Miss Cita in a better place When I was fourteen I told my mom we will see better days And sure enough we did exactly what I say." the more i listen to wayne, the more he gives me a glimpse into wayne's world. haha in closing, bow your head and.....Let's pray(let's pray-juelz) 10 finga(10 fingas) 2getha for, for eva(for eva)
Let's pray(let's pray) 2getha, for eva.
Iight!

haha that's wayne too.

most everyday i'm asked how i'm doing. i really have no clue how to respond? what do people want to hear? i already have a problem with people saying things just b/c that's what everyone else says. on top of that, it just seems so insincere. every time i've told the truth people have squirmed like i threw ice down their back. the truth is, i'm livin. day to day, i just keep livin. the LORD has been with me every step of the way. i'm a business major at auburn now. so i've gone from civil engineering, to landscape architecture, and now business. this is my third year in college, i would say i'm about a semester behind. so i'm on a good enough track. i'm done worrying about when i'm getting out of school. i'll get out when i get out. what do i want to do when i get older? i have no idea. i figure i'll figure that one out when i get there. i'm learning what lasts in life. i'm learning what will be gone tomorrow. i want to invest in the long term things. i am not going to do anything really physical for a month. i've been working out 4-6 days a week for 3 years and it has worn my body down. i'm also going to a chiropractor today for the second time. one of the lasting things in life is health. i have incredible health. despite the occasional pain, i'm always feeling good. this was evident to me when i filled out the paper work at the chiropractor and he looked at me and was like, "why are you here?" i go to the doctor today at 2 to get an antibiotic for my cough. i was down just about all weekend. i hope that whoever reads this goes outside and enjoys the sunset today. i'm going to find what burns inside me. until next time....

tuesday, 8-26-08

And when Noah went to Charleston
to get the building plans approved,



fate stepped in
and dealt him a sweet card.

this is from the script of the notebook. on some days, it is my favorite movie. charleston is on my list of places to live. at this point i'm going there asap. take a look......

http://locationcarolina.com/images/martinsptplprch.jpg

lil wayne predicts he will win a grammy with lil scrappy.....

Ok you ****** wanna throw bottles, and hoes swallow
My ****** they throw hollows, and mo follow
Like TNT, I know drama, so I'm-a
keep that AK like Osama, f**k ya honor
Motherf**ker, f**k your mama! To the 10th power
Fill his body with embalma, him a goner!
Stop a ***** like a comma, no informer!
But we got that white boy, that snow, that informer!
Yeah, I got work like an employer.
10 guns, 10 goons, and 10 lawyers.
And I ain't tryin' to ignore ya...
but money talks - you should let your money talk for ya.
(Where you on?) On a corner, right in front of granny.
**********7 gram special... welcome to the Grammies!
And only new money make me happy... **********
So I'm about to take the old ones, split it up with Scrappy.

ya dig?

http://www.tmz.com/2008/08/22/the-notebook-romance-lives/

why i don't write things down..

b/c i forget that i wrote it down.

guess who?

no sittin at the table if you bringin nothin to it.

carter jr.....

"I'm a certified gangster. Haters make me nauseous. The money makes me anxious. Listen how my words are poetic like Langston. Dreads down my back like I come straight from Kingston. But I come from [[w:Hollygrove|Hollygrove], 17 Danger Zone. So many C Notes I could sing a song. T-Top coop looking like a thong. Your girl on my thing treats it like a bone. I don't wanna be right if getting high is wrong. My eyes so low I look like im from Hong-Kong."
"Throw Some Keys" (Track 6)

.............

i introduced a friend to ya'll recently. i put it in a way to make everyone who reads it in some kind of thought process. this world is so cruel to everyone. some people will stop at all costs to make their shit go away and expose others. open minded people tend to stick around me more than close minded people. i was thinking recently about the presidential election. i feel that this world is changing. i believe that ideals are changing and i believe that people are beginning to see a need for a new direction. i am by no means "backing" a candidate, this is just pure "evolution." for years, humans have been adapting. polio, malaria, torn acl's, and hepatitis A used to be horrible sicknesses that had the ability to kill people. these days there are vaccines and surgeries that give humans a longer life. this is example of adaptation. i saw the incredible hulk this week. in the movie the doctor was able to turn "the hulk" on and off. his "sickness" is caused by gamma radiation (that is the extent of my knowledge of the hulk). i really enjoyed the movie. i believe that this is the direction humans are going. humans don't have a choice. cancer is killing 135,000 people a year. if you look at the amount of technology that has developed since the beginning of time, humans will continue to adapt and overcome disease, etc. it is the way things have happened throughout history and you know what they say, "history repeats itself." speaking of history. my personal opinion is that everything that happened 1 second ago is history. most people would say, duh! let me explain. humans who live in the past aren't adapting. this world changes every day. if you aren't gaining knowledge every day. if you aren't learning about current pop culture, worldviews, new religions, etc. you are doing nothing but falling further and further behind. then these "lost" people are trying to give opinions about how things used to be, bullshit. i don't care about how things used to be, i care about how things are right now. if you aren't willing to hustle and gain knowledge, then choose who you bore with your old news. my new friend is Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. aka Young Money aka Weezy F Baby aka Young Mulah, he helps get me through the day. haha! in closing, fuck cancer and everything like it. you do nothing but ruin everything you touch, bring tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. jk livin

blood diamond and the earth....

I had an opportunity to see the end of this movie tonight (again). This time I had a different point of view. This scene is a description of my life at the moment. Everyone is trying to get ahead, to win the race. The finish line is there for Dicaprio and Hoonsou, they can both see it. They have endured so much to get to this point. Dicaprio is unable to continue on the journey. He had no choice and with tears in his eyes, he gave up the diamond to Hoonsou. Hoonsou did right with the diamond and justice was served. Dicaprio has a legend that lives on after he has died. This movie represents America in the tragedy. I wonder why Dicaprio, Hoonsou, his son, and Maddy can't enjoy the perks of having such a big diamond. I guess that is where the "fallen" part of man comes in. Good things have to come to an end. That is one of the most depressing things about being on this planet. Just when you think that things are looking up, something happens and blows up your happiness. I don't understand why that is always there? The scene brings a tear to my eye for it's romantic pull. The conversation is pure. Both people, who met b/c fate put them together, are mutually attracted to each other and everything they say is so heartfelt. In a time such as this conversation, both characters understood that this would be the last time they would speak. They let it all hang out. I can't imagine how awesome conversations would be if everyone spoke this way in all conversations. That is what I want to find. In all of this sadness you are feeling for what Maddy is going through. She has no way of knowing what might have been with Dicaprio. She has to live in complete uncertainty. That is a rough feeling. You also are very happy that Hoonsou and his family are reunited. As far as we know, Hoonsou and his family live happily ever after. So many emotions are wrapped into this scene. That is why it is so great. Not to mention that Dicaprio nails the South African accent the entire movie. He is a great actor. I hope cyberspace enjoys the scene as much as I have.

my new friend....

i want to introduce my new friend to cyberspace. this is a relationship that caught me by surprise. i used to have animosity toward this person. i admit complete fault there. i made a mistake and judged someone before i really knew them. i admit that i make mistakes every day. i hope that i have enough security in myself to admit fault when i am wrong. once i realized that i really didn't know this person, things started to come together. this person is pretty controversial. he/she may not have the most uplifting diction. he/she may have some tattoos, which is funny b/c in AL people immediately judge you b/c you might have some tattoos or a piercing. he/she may not hang around the church going crowd all of the time. he/she may have a couple bad habits. he/she may not be white or black. he/she may use private jets and contribute to the bullshit al gore calls global warming. on top of that, he/she doesn't care that they fly in private jets. he/she attempts to be the best person that they can be on a daily basis. he/she told me that they get on their knees every morning and every night b/c they know that's where they need to be. he/she may have grown up in the hood, suburbs, or a mansion. he/she is a poet. he/she may or may not be educated by the world's standards. he/she seems to be loyal. he/she may or may not have a drug problem. hell, i may or may not have a couple bad habits. he/she knows that their shit stinks. he/she has a legendary work ethic. he/she may be a millionaire. he/she's judge is God. he/she wears their heart on their sleeve. he/she is really flashy.

enough of the introduction for now. i think a lot of this person so their introduction might have to continue at a later date. i am going through a lot right now. i hope that i grow every day. i hope that the people in my life will tell me if i offend them so that i can create restitution. this world is fallen and everyone will hurt you. i want the people in my life to ask forgiveness when they hurt me. i know that i have to ask forgiveness when i hurt people. that is a very hard thing to do b/c pride always gets in the way. i'm tired of people thinking that their shit doesn't stink. i'm tired of people thinking that they don't need people in their life. i'm tired of people thinking that they are better than others. i'm tired of people playing games and sucking on people like a leech. damn leeches sucking just to get what they want, then they leave people bleeding and just walk away. i want to truth to prevail and for only the truth to be spoken. so many people in this world have no backbone. when time's get hard around them they crawl in their turtle shell. they don't know that their shell ain't nothing but cardboard. my new friend is real with me, honest to a fault, and is always there day or night. there are a couple people in this world who are that close to me.

"i'd rather be alone and happy, than together and not." -mcconaughey

i hope that by the introduction you still don't know who it is b/c you shouldn't. i hope that you haven't judge my friend. if you have, you belong with most people i know. but if you haven't, and understand meet Dwayne.

faces....

How many faces have I seen in my 21 years of life? I have seen more faces than I probably could put a number on. Over spring break I learned that a face holds a lot of information. I think about a person's heart when I see their face now. There was an instance over spring break that caused me to think about this. I'm very thankful that this instance happened. You really have no idea what someone's face should be conveying. There are people who can hide their feelings behind their face. I'm not one of those people, but that is beside the point. This world can be so cruel sometimes. I'm guilty of tapping into the cruelness myself. It seems, at times, that the whole world is selfish. That all the world is interested in is to have it's fun. Spring break was a wake up call to me. I want to make a conscious effort now to treat everyone I meet with the utmost respect and sensitivity, b/c I have no clue what is going on in their heart. I feel that this goes perfectly with trying to make everyone around me feel important. I don't do any of this to make myself better than the next person, nor do I do this for karma. I have been treated both ways. It feels terrible for someone to disrespect you during a hard time in your life. After being treated like that, I would never want to put someone through that.

Another reason I believe that life is so beautiful is that we all learn from our mistakes. We are able to grow everyday through experiences. Instead of always being bland, we are able to learn through experiences. No matter what I am going through in life, I try to grow every day.

victim and getting the hook up?

I found out some pretty bad news on friday afternoon. My mom was having numbness in her face. She had some scans done to identify where the problem was. The results showed that she has a tumor on her c1 vertebrae. This is the first vertebrae in your head/neck. If this vertebrae collapses like the last one did, then she will suffocate. There's no getting around that. The doctor's have taken her off of chemo and put her on radiation. The oncologist is trying to pin point the tumor and kill it or reduce it's size so that the tumor won't kill her. I take this information pretty hard. It makes my life very confusing. I don't really know how to go about life after this news. I say all of these things b/c this is real life. I don't live in fantasy land. I don't live in an altered state. I live in real life. The only place where there is no pain and suffering is HEAVEN. That is why we are not home yet! With all of this going on, I'm not a victim. I don't have to be treated like a victim. I appreciate people caring about me, I just don't have to be a victim. The biggest thing I need right now is for people to understand what I am going through. Understanding what I'm going through will be the best thing that anyone can do.

The "hook-up." It is better to give than to receive. I love to give to people and I love to put smiles on people's faces. Just b/c I give a lot doesn't mean that I'm going to always be given back to. It always interests me when you hook someone up and then that person can't hook you up. I just make it happen. I learned to make things happen while I was starting a business with my Dad. Sometimes you just have to make it happen, no matter what. There is something to say for hooking people up and then not getting it in return. You live, learn, and forgive. jk livin

over the weekend....

I had my first Jimmy John's sandwich today. I had a turkey this afternoon. It was so good that I had to go back and get another tonight. Had a friend give me a weird look when they found out it was my first time to eat at Jimmy John's. I never really gave the issue much thought. You have subway, quiznos, jimmy john's, hungry howie's, firehouse, etc. I guess I was happy, so I never explored. I guess today was my exploration day. I would consider today a success. Jimmy John's is good and I'll be visiting there more often.

Had a ball'n day saturday. I spent saturday at Barber Motor Speedway in Leeds, AL. The Honda Superbike Classic was there. I had been one time before and became addicted. I have missed it the past couple years, but made my way back this weekend. I didn't remember how cool it was. I can say that Saturday was one of the best days of my life. Watching the motorcycles flirt with danger, hearing that, and smelling race fuel and burning rubber made the day very memorable. We spent from 8:30 to 5:00 at Barber. You can't get much better than that.

At the grocery store tonight I saw someone carrying their own grocery bag. It's the "conservationist" way to grocery shop. I have seen them before, but never thought about purchasing one. I might end up having to shop this way. It didn't look difficult or painful, and I know that everyone has way too many plastic bags. Now it seems pointless to waste so much plastic to just get your groceries home. I guess it would be a different story if you could use the plastic bags for something else productive.

I'm drinking green tea with peach tea. It's delicious. I'm trying to convert from coffee to green tea. Green tea is good for your skin and it increases your metabolism. I know that coffee is not "bad" for you, but it does cause your body to be more acidic.

I'm going to dig the new "Real World: Hollywood." It's interesting b/c you see these strangers come and live together before meeting. They all have, like everyone else, what people could identify as problems. It will be interesting to see what happens as they live in Hollywood. Will they be able to cope with downfalls in a town where all your dreams come true? Mary Ellis Bunam created "Real World." My hats off to her. She created something that is nothing but money.

Sometimes you try your hardest to plan things where they will work out. This weekend was something that I tried to plan out to a T. It didn't work out the way that I had hoped. Sometimes there are things in life that don't workout the way that you had hoped. You always do the next right thing, stay humble, and keep looking out for others and things will fall into place. Everything worked out just like it was supposed to, so I have to be happy.

Here's to another week...

wash your hands...

former UFC fighter. has been knocked out by chuck liddell. haha

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_y55ILMm6kSI/RzNQLT5dJ5I/AAAAAAAAA9c/8ZDdsO1EL2s/s400/Kevin%2BRandleman%2BStaph%2BRecovery2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://mmafever.blogspot.com/2007/11/kevin-randlemans-staph-recovery-w-pics.html&h=240&w=320&sz=13&hl=en&start=2&um=1&tbnid=6mn3bnMn5YWKpM:&tbnh=89&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dkevin%2Brandleman%2Bstaph%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den%26sa%3DN

just blogging

Little Wayne has been dominating my musical interest lately. I may have to call him, Lil' Wayne. Maybe I could call him Weezy F? Anyway, you get the story. I'm chill'n on a glass of wine and listening to weezy f from hollygrove on itunes. I've said before that I didn't like wayne. I just figured he was a typical thug rapper. I shouldn't have judged him. In the end it doesn't matter what I think of him. I can just like his music. His lyrics are unbelievable considering he doesn't write anything down. Come to find out he was a gifted student in elementary school. Now we know where these lyrics come from.

I'll admit that I watch the hills. I like the show. I guess that I'm secure enough to admit things like that. There are these Alicia Keys "Out-takes" during commercials. I don't think that I've seen much that is this gay. Today I saw that Nick Lachey is going to be on the season finale. I'm looking forward to this finale just like I was the Rob and Big finale. Speaking of which, I wish that show would just go on forever. I was in a trance thinking that it would last forever. I guess all good things must come to an end. Back to Nick Lachey....Dude should have put up with Jessica's crap b/c he is in a tailspin. You know you are gay when you out-take with Alicia Keys. How come celebrities can't quit the spotlight? Some will do anything to get it.

Speaking of Alicia Keys.... I don't think that she can sing. That's all.

I'm looking into Landscape Architecture for a degree. Still doing some research on all that.

"they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment ot anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." -Barack Obama
Barack is a scary individual. His association with his church in Chicago.

A congregation committed to ADORATION.
A congregation preaching SALVATION.
A congregation actively seeking RECONCILIATION.
A congregation with a non-negotiable COMMITMENT TO AFRICA.
A congregation committed to BIBLICAL EDUCATION.
A congregation committed to CULTURAL EDUCATION.
A congregation committed to the HISTORICAL EDUCATION OF AFRICAN PEOPLE IN DIASPORA.
A congregation committed to LIBERATION.
A congregation committed to RESTORATION.
A congregation working towards ECONOMIC PARITY.

This is his church's value system. They are committed to the black value system. What ever happened to the chinese, latino, native-americans, etc.? Wright has ties to the Black Panther Party and Louis Farrakahn. Obama has used is mantra of change to get where he is. He has freaked me out every time America has had a glimpse of who he really is. Obama also has a friendly tie to Bill Ayers of the weather underground.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weatherman_(organization)

Wine is gone...enjoy the blog

being alone.....

Most of the time that I hear people talk about being alone, it's in a bad situation. It's either depression, or someone who is socially awkward. I want to be sensitive to people who are dealing with hard social situations. At the same time, I believe that there are gems to be found while being alone. Sometimes you just have to see yourself again through your own eyes. This weekend I took some time to be alone. I've never done anything in my life to receive attention or sympathy. I don't write this blog to receive any of that. I hope that people can learn to be by themselves, learn to get away and find themselves again. All of this can be done without creating a need for sympathy. Try it. You might come out on the other side refreshed and ready for another week. just keep, livin!

surprises.....

i'm hoping that this blog comes out with the same gusto that i have in my head. tonight was one of the greatest nights of my life. my family threw a surprise party for my parents 50th birthday. my mom's birthday was march 26th and my dad's is april 9th. the party went great. my parents showed up to my aunt's house thinking that they were going to eat with my cousin and her fiance, they were wrong. there were a ton of people there. there were so many people that i knew at the party that i didn't know where to start. i decided to hang around some family until people made their way into other rooms of the house. those kinds of situations tend to stress me out a little. i try to make everyone feel as if they are extremely special. i do that b/c that is how i want to feel around my friends and family. if you have ever been put into a situation where you feel left our or that it doesn't really matter that you are there. you'll never want to feel like that ever again. i talked myself silly for who knows how long. i talked to some of the slappey's who i have not seen in such a long time. it was good to see them. i talked to will about his sga president run. it seems that the clinton's had a hand in derailing his campaign. i spoke to duski and daniel about auburn. by this time i had seen 3 grandparents, aunt, uncle, 3 cousins, niece. 2 sisters, spoken to kent and denise, and i think that's all. by this point, i'm having a ball. it's very demanding to be in a space with so many people. i really enjoyed the conversation and talking with everyone. this leads me to my favorite part of my evening. no it wasn't surprising my parents, seeing my grandparents, or getting sugar from my niece. my next conversation was with the nordykes. mr. nordyke had a stroke and has a hard time doing most normal things. i shook his hand, and it was a firm hand shake. he had to shake with his left hand, but i didn't give a shit. i was just happy that he was going to let me talk to him. i always find conversations go much better when you know it's a privilege to speak to someone. mr. nordyke has the ability to speak some things, and sometimes he gets frustrated when he knows what he wants to say, but he cannot say it. then there was mrs. nordyke. she was able to pick up on what he was saying, and all he would say was a few words. it was incredible to see that. i've spoken on here at length about mr. mcconaughey. he is so genuine, real, and one of a kind. i guess that is why i am able to relate to him so well. i thought of mcconaughey while speaking with mr. nordyke. i thought of how pure the conversation was. at one point he was getting frustrated and i told him, "i'm with you, and i'm listening." i wanted him to know that i didn't care if we were there all night, i wanted to hear what he had to say. the conversation was pure. i can't think of any other word to describe it? i hope that people are able to understand that. it was pure b/c i was committed to hearing what he had to say, and i was going to see everything he said like it was the first time i'd heard it. PURE. i'll post a video at the end of the blog where you can hopefully see the correlation b/w matthew and myself. i have to say that i don't speak of these instances as a pat on my back. i'm just sharing my night with the world wide web. at this point, i was trying to get something to eat. all this talking and not enough eating. the food was off the wall, i hope that there is some leftover. while eating i wanted to spend some time with my grandparents and aunt and uncle. i was able to do that. it felt really great to see them. of course every time i see them, it reminds me that i won't be able to spend boatloads of time with them. that really hurts my heart. i wish someone could capture my heart when i spend time with my grandad. i wish that something could capture how i feel when i'm with him and how freaking awesome it is. what i took away from tonight was a lot of joy, but more reality/pain. i see all of these people and i think that it would almost be impossible to spend as much time with all of them as i really wanted to. that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. seeing my grandparents and knowing that my time with them is fleeting, leaves a horrible taste in my mouth. all in all, it just reminded me that life is fleeting, but life is still beautiful. life is beautiful b/c you can have a party like that and see smiling faces all around. it's enjoyable for people to be able to see old friends and enjoy time with each other. life may be short, life may be cruel sometimes; but being able to have a night like this, makes living really worth it. i ended the night having a few brews and wine with ashley and her fiance. they said that they would visit the blog so i'll plug their website bohmanwedding.com. it's definitely a winner. no better way to end an awesome night with a great blog. i'm very pleased with the way all this came out. i have no idea how many people read this. if you do read it, let me know what you think. you can comment or email me drb0006@auburn.edu. here is a link of mcconaughey talking about having a couple bottles of wine with lance armstrong over a six hour dinner. it just shows you how awesome of a time you can have in pure conversation with someone. enjoy.......

foregoing current consumption.....

Took a test today in microeconomics. It was refreshing to take the test. I did very well on the test. It felt awesome to leave a test and know that you really did well. I haven't had that since I started taking classes at Auburn. We don't have test in software engineering. Calculus 2 tests should speak for themselves. Physics tests are bitches too. Then there is microeconomics. I did very well on the test. I am anxious to get to monday to see my grade. I'm very blessed to not get test anxiety. Taking tests don't bother me b/c I know that I've prepared the best that I could. Some material on the test was savings. My economics book described savings as foregoing current consumption, for future consumption. In other words, saving now and buying what you want later. I thought about that saying and just figured that I could apply it to my life. I need to evaluate my life and find out what is useful and what needs to be thrown away? I need to find a path and schedule that will get me where I need to go. I have to surround myself with people who know where I am going and who know that I'm going to obtain a goal no matter what. America has such a negative time rate of preference. American wants what they want, when they want it. There is no patience. I believe that this has been aided by the growth in technology. You can pretty much get in touch with anyone at anytime with technology. I know that I can call certain friends, on certain nights in college and get a hold of someone. If I get on x box late at night, there will be atleast one person on in the world; or someone who speaks my language. With no patience, credit card companies are wanting the money that you owe them. If you have such a negative rate of time preference, then you have to deal with the credit card companies. How many people are addicted to credit cards? It seems like it could be an addiction that would fly under the radar. I wonder how America would be if people would not have to have current consumption? How many things would people just forget about in life? If America could not eat the fudge sundae every day, then we wouldn't be seeing people lifted out of their house with cranes. You have to have enough consumption that you keep yourself happy. Having a life with no consumption is no way to be. Small amount of a bad consumption does not trump the good consumption. I believe that if people stepped back and looked at what is important in life, they would enjoy life more. I know that a certain diet, or workout regime is not my life. It might be my lifestyle, but it's by no means my life. I've learned that I have to meet these places halfway. I have to forego certain consumptions to acclimate to my real life. Life is not always easy to acclimate to. I try to forego things that are not important, or are not wise decisions. I'm trying to find out myself and acclimate my life to that scenario. Something that you consume later might be better than consuming now. Example: wine

wine and people's opinion...

wine, red wine. that word is becoming very familiar to me. i read a while back that 3 glasses of red wine a day will decrease your chance of prostate cancer 65%. one in three men will get prostate cancer. i'm going to do anything that i can to avoid that non-sense. i began to drink wine, and tried to get 3 glasses in a week. i was researching a guy name eric carlson. you can look him up on google. he is the worlds fittest model. he has had numerous magazine covers. along with being a model, he is a motivational speaker. i don't know him in that aspect, just as a model. he described his day and says he really enjoys cooking dinner later in the evening and enjoying some red wine. that has become a staple for me in my daily routine. i think it's awesome to go through the day and look forward to having some red wine while cooking a nice dinner.

i take people's opinion very seriously. i want people to see me as someone who they can respect. people's opinion does not effect who i am, or change me. it does cause me to think about my actions. everyone sees the person out here during the day, or here at night, or always that person on the weekend that blank.... then everyone is talking about how stupid you were or immature that was. i believe if everyone wanted people to see them at their best and to respect them, then people would want to show a good side. i don't understand why everyone is not like that? why would you want someone to see something of your's that is not the best? sometimes i just wish that people could see that showing a side of themselves that can be respected would fix a lot of problems in this world. i guess there are still the people who don't care what other's see. of course there are going to be those times when everyone makes mistakes and regrets it dearly. the good thing is that you can dig yourself out of a small hole if everything else in your life is respectful. it takes a lot of time and energy to dig yourself out of a hole you've been digging for a long time.

blogging....

blogging is a wonderful thing. i just think of something cool and put it on here. i made a protein shake yesterday that tasted like a milkshake. vanilla protein powder, natural peanut butter, 1 cup chocolate milk, banana. eating healthy is a wonderful thing. it is even more wonderful when you can eat healthy and it taste wonderful. i've been thinking a lot about being active and my competitive nature lately. i came down wrong on my knee playing football on spring break. i don't think that there is anything drastically wrong. my knee never swelled, changed color, or bruised. it just doesn't feel 100%. i've been icing it like a mad man and doing light exercise to try and let it heal. being as active as i am, i'm not able to do cross fit on my hurt knee. that hurts my spirit a little bit. cross fit is a fitness program where you compete against the clock, previous work history, and others around the world. plus it takes every bit of gusto you have to get through it. i love doing cross fit. it is also an outlet for my competitive spirit. since i have been hurt, i haven't let myself get down. i equate this time to down times in life. you just have to keep livin. of course i would like to be doing cross fit. i would love to not be hurt right now. i don't worry about things i can't change. life is so short, yet life is so long. there are so many opportunities to enjoy the things you love, but you have to take advantage of those opportunities when they present themselves. whenever i get in situations like this i think about things that i am not able to do when i am doing cross fit. instead of moping that i can't cross fit, i do the other things i enjoy doing. i can't wait to run again, play basketball, and maybe start jui-jitsu. next time you pass a fast food restaurant at noon, look and see how many people are in line. that will prove to you what kind of shape america is in.

i want to take a minute to talk about barack obama. barack's campaign has been about change. he doesn't talk about what kind of change, he just says change. his resume' of change in his political career is very slim. barack causes me to lose some sleep at night. i'm freaked out that someone can become so popular by saying one word, "change." not to mention his personal ties. he has been linked with farakahn, weathermen bomber william ayers, and of course his pastor. someone that has been linked to so many sketchy people should not be trusted. you don't just happen to be acquainted with so many controversial people. if you are linked with 3 sketchy people, that makes you sketchy. american people need to wake up and see things the way they truly are. i believe that this is a sad thing. it seems that more and more every day you meet more people. instead of just getting to know them, you have to do recon and put them under a microscope. you have to prove that they can be trusted and that they are going to be mature and responsible. i wish people could be real and keep good intent in everything. until next time...

faces.....

How many faces have I seen in my 21 years of life? I have seen more faces than I probably could put a number on. Over spring break I learned that a face holds a lot of information. I think about a person's heart when I see their face now. There was an instance over spring break that caused me to think about this. I'm very thankful that this instance happened. You really have no idea what someone's face should be conveying. There are people who can hide their feelings behind their face. I'm not one of those people, but that is beside the point. This world can be so cruel sometimes. I'm guilty of tapping into the cruelness myself. It seems, at times, that the whole world is selfish. That all the world is interested in is to have it's fun. Spring break was a wake up call to me. I want to make a conscious effort now to treat everyone I meet with the utmost respect and sensitivity, b/c I have no clue what is going on in their heart. I feel that this goes perfectly with trying to make everyone around me feel important. I don't do any of this to make myself better than the next person, nor do I do this for karma. I have been treated both ways. It feels terrible for someone to disrespect you during a hard time in your life. After being treated like that, I would never want to put someone through that.

Another reason I believe that life is so beautiful is that we all learn from our mistakes. We are able to grow everyday through experiences. Instead of always being bland, we are able to learn through experiences. No matter what I am going through in life, I try to grow every day.

8 grain cereal.....

my boy evan tanner had a picture of 8 grain cereal on his website this last week. i've been eating on that this week and that stuff is unbelievable. i'm enjoying the crap out of this stuff! you can pick it up at any organic grocery store. i've been enjoying the local organic grocery store here in Auburn. they have a good selection in there. everyone needs to get some 8 grain cereal.

spring.....

my mom told me a couple weeks ago, "this is your time of year." she told that to me as i was listening to the Auburn baseball team take bp for their opening game. i could hear the bat, smell the grass, and feel the emotion of playing the game of baseball. not one day has gone by since i played my last game that i have not missed baseball. i've never felt alive like i did when i was on the diamond. i was in my element. everything felt like second nature and natural. i was in the "zone". lately i've been down. the weather has been beautiful and i am blessed beyond belief. i still feel down. i think that the spring just takes me back to the days when i was playing ball. i think that i miss it so much that i'm a little down about it. i could definitely go without having to pass by the baseball field every day. sometimes you get in a funk. sometimes you are up and other days you are down. i am going to keep living and breathing. i hope to enjoy the weather as much as possible. i'm not sure if there will be a day that i will ever not miss baseball. sometimes i wish there would be a day where i would be able to not miss it anymore. then when i really think about it, i wouldn't want that. the pain takes me back to those glory days. it takes me back to the smell and feeling of playing ball. i hope to always be able to go back there. i still remember my first home run, i still remember those plays where it is all instincts and you don't really know how everything happen, i still remember the nerves before a playoff game, i still remember how good it felt to run the bases. oh how i wish i could triple and score on a passed ball just one more time. or see fat boy double off the wall in a playoff game and i could hear the ball going over my head and coach wilder is jumping waving his arm, "score, score, score!" thank god for the memories that are so vivid they can bring tears to your eyes. i guess what i've learned even writing this blog is to jk livin through all times. when times are tough think back on the memories that put a smile on your face. when it comes down to it, the good memories will be the ones to get you out of a funk.

p.s. last night was crunk